2015 – It’s been a mixed year. I got my Masters (With Commendation by the way – ahem!) My work life is shite and I realise more and more that while I want change, I’m afraid of it.
The process of change means letting go and most times shaking off bad habits or what you know you need to do to move on and grow. But habit is like a comfortable and familiar old blanket, a broken down pair of comfy trainers or a threadbare coat we know doesn’t do it’s function. Change is good but it is also painful. I know. I am a creature of habit. I embrace the concept of change and moving on. But like a stuck on plaster on a sore, it’s hell to think of peeling it off – the sting of it I just can’t bear!
However, I see where lack of change hinders and makes the soul fester and rot. Take for instance, the office workplace. It’s 2015 and after a resignation and maternity leave, I find myself to be the only minority in the department. The sad thing is that nearly 90% of those persons who I worked with over the 6 years I have been there have left as well. Since I have been working there, there has not been another minority recruited. But this is OK and nothing is wrong with this fact to the majority of employees on the floor.
Now, if change were truly embraced I wouldn’t have anything to comment about would I? So what is my responsibility in all of this? I guess many of you may say look elsewhere for a more diverse workplace. I would agree with that, but you know what? My fear of the pain of change makes me “accept” this insidious environment which tells me that I am “lucky” to be working there, “lucky” that I have a job that a majority of minorities would jump at the opportunity to be there and that I am “lucky” that despite my “Other-dom”, I have been accepted and embraced by a job only deserving of those descendants of the majority culture and ethnicity. Finally, I have convinced myself that I will not find a diverse workplace or one which embraces fundamental change, at least in this City. I have talked myself out of change!
What is preventing me from accepting change then? What is driving this fear of the pain of change? Is it an age thing? A laziness thing? or just plain lack of ambition?
However, there is a glimmer of hope. I realise that I have an issue with change and that I am happy to wallow in the discomfort that I am familiar with. But I hate the status quo enough to actually realise that if I don’t get off my butt, nothing will change. I am taking responsibility. I have made a pact with myself that I shall not live another unchanged year and for 2016 I shall be doing some serious Spring Cleaning.
For those reading my ramblings, I wish you all the best in the New Year and the hope that you will be brave enough to make those important decisions to move in a changed direction for the better in 2016.